


yellow colored glasses

by prouveyrac



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Crying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, deceit is being a snake, heed warnings, patton is reminiscing, some curses, virgil is ready to fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 20:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14577342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Patton gently traced his thumb over one of the pictures encased in the plastic of the photo album. It wasn’t a picture from Thomas’ past, not a picture of the young child beaming with innocence before the world began to get difficult; instead, Patton stared down at a picture of the Sides from Christmas. Patton, a fan of making memories (and holding onto them and keeping them and never letting them slip from his grasp no matter how hard they pulled), begged the others to take a picture with him, and soon discovered that he had no need to beg.





	yellow colored glasses

**Author's Note:**

> tw: deceit (lying and manipulation), crying, virgil curses twice, some self-deprecating thoughts

Patton wasn’t sad. No, Patton wasn’t sad, he was just…

He was just feeling. Yes, that was what it was. Of course Patton was feeling. He was the core of Thomas’ feelings, so it would only make sense for him to feel.

Sometimes, he thought feeling was the only thing he could ever do. Feeling everything, feeling anything… feeling too much.

But he wasn’t sad. Sitting here, in his room, photo albums opened all around him with one of Thomas’ old stuffed animals—possibly forgotten by Thomas himself, but Patton didn’t forget—tugged to his chest, he wasn’t sad. He was just feeling. Feeling and reminiscing.

(And he was missing what once was, and what most likely would never happen again. But Patton didn’t have to admit that to himself. At least not outloud.)

Patton gently traced his thumb over one of the pictures encased in the plastic of the photo album. It wasn’t a picture from Thomas’ past, not a picture of the young child beaming with innocence before the world began to get difficult; instead, Patton stared down at a picture of the Sides from Christmas. Patton, a fan of making memories (and holding onto them and keeping them and never letting them slip from his grasp no matter how hard they pulled), begged the others to take a picture with him, and soon discovered that he had no need to beg. Roman agreed immediately, as he always would. Virgil agreed because Virgil was Patton’s best friend and he knew how much Patton liked pictures. Even Logan, who Patton was prepared to make a presentation for as to why they should definitely take a Christmas photo together, agreed with little hesitation.

Patton smiled—hopefully one that wasn’t too  ~~ sad ~~ feeling—down at the photo. Patton had his arms thrown around Virgil, his head resting on his shoulders. He was beaming, as he always was (real or not) and Virgil had a small smile on his face, which might as well have been a grin for him. Roman, too, had his arms thrown around Logan. Patton fondly remembered how the two had started off playfully bickering but had dissolved into laughter, the moment captured by the camera and its ticking timer.

They all looked so happy then.

Things were so much easier then.

Thomas only knew about the four of them then.

Roman and Logan hadn’t fallen back into fighting then.

Then, they all just wore their sweaters and laughed and hugged and Roman told Virgil that they should watch  _ The Nightmare Before Christmas _ and Virgil looked  _ so happy _ .

He heard the air in his room shift behind him, as if someone wasn’t rising up but instead appearing, and Patton suddenly remembered why his room was yellow.

“Hi Dee,” Patton said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on the book in front of him. Logan would’ve probably called it faulty logic, but Patton liked to believe that if he said ‘Deceit’ as little as possible, maybe he wouldn’t have so much power over Patton.

“Oh, Patton, how lovely it is to see you again,” Deceit crooned, the sweetness of his voice leaving a bitter taste in Patton’s mouth, “How is my favorite counterpart doing on this lovely day?” Patton knew that Deceit was looming over his shoulder; his shadow was covering him and Virgil in the Christmas picture.

“I’m doing just great, Dee.” Patton swallowed thickly and picking at the plastic edges of the photo album with one hand while tugging the stuffed animal closer. “Thank you for asking. How are you doing?”

“Oh, just  _ awful _ Patton.” Deceit sighed and kneeled on the floor next to Patton. Patton instinctively shifted and curled his knees up to his chest. “You know how much I hate it when people lie.”

“I’m not lying,” Patton forced out around the sudden thickness in his throat, “I’m doing great. Look at all these pictures, Dee! Aren’t they amazing?” Patton, letting the stuffed animal be held between his chest and his knees, picked up the album and showed the Christmas picture to Deceit.

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe this was definitely a mistake, but Patton needed to talk, needed to reminisce, and Deceit happened to be there.

“It’s lovely,” Deceit said with a smile, his eyes—one brown, one yellow—surveying the picture and then Patton’s face. Under the stare, Patton averted his eyes back down to the picture.

“Everyone looks so happy,” Patton murmured, finally letting a frown slip onto his face.

“And everyone is still happy now, dear Patton,” Deceit said, “Isn’t it obvious?”

Patton winced at the words, the  _ lies _ , and blinked back tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

“Everyone… everyone  _ is _ happy,” Patton insisted. He didn’t know whether he was trying to get Deceit or himself to believe it. “We’re all… we’re all getting along! We’re all doing great!”

“Oh, I’m sure everyone is doing just swell,” Deceit said, leaning back on his hands. In Patton’s room, Deceit’s scales glinted more yellow than normal. “And Roman and Logan haven’t resorted back to fighting, and Roman hasn’t realized his place among the four of you, and Virgil-”

“Stop it!” Patton choked out, slamming the photo album shut. His face felt hot and he had to furiously rub at his eyes behind his glasses to stop them from leaking. “We’re all… we’re all fine!”

Deceit hummed in consideration. “Perhaps,” he said. He then reached over with a gloved hand and snatched the album from Patton’s hands. “But don’t you think things were better?” He began to flip through the album. “Just look at these memories, Patton. Christmas, you with that  _ lovely _ cat hoodie. Look at this one here, Patton, it’s when you all got the purple hair. Oh, I wasn’t even a thought in Thomas’ mind yet in that one, how tragic.”

Patton shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. He wasn’t right, no, Deceit was very wrong. Things… things…

Patton blinked a couple times, looking back down to the photo albums with blurry eyes.

Maybe things were better then. 

Maybe Patton really was sad.

“And let us not even get started on Thomas,” Deceit said, reaching across Patton to grab another photo album off the carpet, “He has grown so well with you guiding him, Patton. Just look at how well he handled the breakup and every other rejection.” Deceit tsked with a shake of his head. “If only you could live in these memories forever.”

Patton sniffed and a devilish grin crossed Deceit’s face. “Oh, wait, you can,” Deceit said, “You can just stay here, where it’s safe, where it’s comfortable. I’m sure the other sides would do just amazing with you staying here and remembering all the better times in your life.”

“That’s not true!” Patton exclaimed, his voice cracking horribly.

“Oh, Patton,” Deceit said, sliding him a pitiful look, “You’re so good at lying to me.”

Patton’s hand flew to clutch at the stuffed animal tucked against his chest and, no matter how much blinking he did, he couldn’t stop the tears from starting their trek down his cheeks. “Stop it!” he pleaded, his works broken as sobs threatened to escape him, “I’m telling- I’m telling the-”

“What the fuck is going on here?”

Both Patton and Deceit whipped their heads around to see Virgil standing in the middle of Patton’s room. Virgil eyes flicked back and forth between the two; he seemed to be confused whether to be furious or concerned.

“Virgil,” Patton croaked out and Virgil’s eyes steadied on him. His jaw dropped slightly, taking in Patton’s appearance, and Patton’s breathing hitched. Finally, with a new fire behind his eyes, he looked to Deceit.

“What the fuck did you do to him?” he hissed, bounding up to Deceit. While Deceit was sitting, Virgil towered over him and, for a second, it looked as if Deceit’s smirk faltered.

“Patton and I were just having a chat,” Deceit replied, “Nothing bad.”

“You have no right to be here,” Virgil growled and Patton curled in on himself further. He hugged the stuffed toy closer to him, staring down at his socked feet. He heard Deceit chuckle next to him.

“Why, I’ve been accepted, Virgil,” Deceit said, “I have a right to be anywhere in this mindspace.”

“No, you’ve been acknowledged,” Virgil bit, “But you— _ this _ —isn’t accepted, and I really suggest that you leave if you know what’s good for you.”

“Oh, Virgil, I do love this backbone of yours.” Patton could hear the smirk in Deceit’s voice. “If only you had it when you were still with us. But fine, I’ll leave. It seems like I’m wanted elsewhere, anyway.”

With a snap of his fingers, Deceit was gone.

Patton swallowed thickly once again, keeping his tearful eyes down as Virgil kneeled in front of him.

“Patton,” Virgil said softly, reaching a hand out to him, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Virgil. I’m okay. Just… just a bit tired, I think. I need to-”

“Patton,” Virgil repeated and Patton slammed his mouth shut. He finally looked up and saw Virgil’s pleading eyes staring back at him. “Please don’t lie to me.”

At that, a sob finally broke out of Patton’s lips and, in an unexpected surge of anger, he grabbed the stuffed animal, previously tugged against his chest, and flung it across the room. It hit the wall with a dull thud before falling to the floor. Patton then clamped his hand to his mouth in an attempt to stifle the next sob as tears streamed down his face.

“Come on, Pat, it’s okay,” Virgil reassured. He reached his hands out again to Patton and Patton, after a slight hesitation, took Virgil’s hands in his. After that, it was only a short moment before Patton leaned forward, collapsing into Virgil’s chest with a sob. “Oh, Pat, it’s alright,” Virgil murmured, rubbing a hand up and down Patton’s back as Patton, clinging onto his hoodie, sobbed into the crook of his neck, “Nothing he said was true.”

“E-Everything hurts, V-Virge,” Patton forced out, his words muffled, “Everything now is so… is s-so-” He broke off into another lapse of sobbing, curling himself closer to Virgil.

“I get it, Pat,” Virgil said, “I do, okay? I know that looking back on the past and such can be… a lot. But this isn’t good for you, Patton. You’re just gonna hurt yourself.”

Patton pushed himself away from Virgil, angrily rubbing at his eyes. “Well, i-it hurts anyway to c-come back to the present,” he said, his breathing hitching and interrupting his words, “Might as well stay where things were happy.”

Virgil gave Patton a sad look. “Patton, we’re all still happy now,” he said.

Patton shook his head adamantly. “We were all so happy then, Virgil!” he choked out, “We- we all had a movie night with our sweaters a-and Logan wasn’t so stressed and Roman wasn’t so hurt and- and you-” He broke off into another pained sob, yanking his hands back to his chest.

“And I was what, Patton?” Virgil asked. His words weren’t accusatory or defensive; instead, they were kind and gentle and everything that hurt Patton more because everyone was  _ hurting _ and hiding it and things were better a long time ago and-

“And I knew how to help you,” Patton finally said, averting his eyes to anything but Virgil, “I just-” a shaky breath “-I feel like everyone is in so much pain and I- I can’t do anything! We were all so happy once and now… now things are falling apart and-”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Pat,” Virgil interrupted. Patton nodded and worried his bottom lip, tears still falling down his cheeks. Carefully, slowly, Virgil took Patton’s glasses from his face and gently swiped his thumbs under Patton’s eyes. At the affection, Patton’s face only crumpled once again and Virgil shushed him. “It’s okay, you’re okay, Patton,” he reassured, wiping at Patton’s tears again before cleaning his glasses and putting them back on his face, “You’re gonna be okay, Patton.”

Patton slowly reached out for Virgil’s hands and, without hesitation, Virgil clasped them in his. 

“Patton, we’re all happy here,” Virgil said softly, “Yes, sometimes things can be a bit… rough, but we don’t hate each other or hate being here. I know that… that this is something you get upset over, and that’s okay. What you’re feeling right now isn’t stupid or bad, Pat. But that doesn’t mean that you should be forcing yourself to suffer like this. You don’t have to keep lying that you’re okay.” Virgil squeezed Patton’s hands. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

Patton sucked in a shaky breath. He didn’t allow himself to speak until he was breathing evenly and Virgil patiently waited. “Everything was so much easier then,” he finally whispered, “We were all having fun and we weren’t fighting and things… things were  _ okay _ , Virgil.”

“But things are still okay now,” Virgil said, “We are still all having fun together and we’re all getting along and, if there is fighting, is it any different than what used to happen?” Patton shook his head. “Exactly. So it’s okay if we’re moving forward, because we’re moving towards more fun times.” He then gave Patton a small smile. “Isn’t that something to look forward to?”

Patton worried his bottom lip and nodded. “I- I think so.”

Virgil nodded. “See? We still have a lot of times ahead of us filled with Princey trying to take over movie night and Logan trying to act like he keeps taking all the Crofters jars for ‘science’.” Patton let out a quiet laugh and Virgil squeezed his hands again. “We still have stuff to look forward to, Pat.”

Patton nodded, taking a deep breath. “I get that, Virge,” he said, “I just… I get so  _ sad _ sometimes and… and I never know what to do with myself and everything just seems so better then because… because in the pictures we all look so happy and those are all cemented as happy memories and…” Patton trailed off, looking away.

“And it seems easier to stay there, I know, Pat,” Virgil said, “But you can move forward and still remember past good times. Just because a moment has passed doesn’t mean you need to leave it behind.”

Patton nodded, looking down at their clasped hands. “You’re right, Virgil,” he sighed, “And… And I know we’ve all already dealt with this, but it still gets so hard sometimes.”

“I know, that’s why you have us,” Virgil said, “None of us ever want you hurting alone, Patton. We’re a family, you’ve said so yourself. Besides, what kind of best friend would I be if I let you soak in a tub of the past on your own?”

Tears once again sprung to Patton’s eyes and he beamed, letting out a watery laugh. “You’re the best best friend I could ever ask for,” he choked out before throwing himself back at Virgil.

“I try,” Virgil said, hugging Patton tightly. Patton sniffled and buried his head in the crook of Virgil’s neck. He knew a few tears were still dripping out of his eyes, though he was glad Virgil didn’t say anything about those.

“I love you, Virge,” Patton whispered, holding Virgil close.

“Love you too, Pat,” Virgil said and Patton could hear the smile in his voice, “Now, how about we get out of here and go watch a movie, okay?”

Patton nodded and pulled away. With one final deep breath, he wiped his eyes and smiled, this one real. “Can it be  _ Up _ ?” he asked quietly.

“Oof, we’re gonna need hot chocolate for that one.”

“And tissues.”

Virgil let out a laugh and nodded. “Yes, and tissues,” he agreed before pushing himself up off the carpeted floor. Standing up above Patton, he held a hand out to him. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Patton beamed and grabbed Virgil’s hand.

Maybe his room didn’t have to be so yellow after all.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! this is my first time writing from patton's pov, so of course it's angst
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com


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